Rantings and Ravings of a Fanboy

Last weekend I saw Fantastic Four, and contrary to what the reviewers had me believe, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Sure, it had its share of corny dialogue and sight gags, but that's what made it so much better than, say, Spider-Man 2. That's right, I said it; Spider-Man 2 bites like a radioactive arachnid. Not to get all Simon Cowell on you, but the best way I can describe it is to say that it is the superhero movie equivalent of The Young and the Restless. It wasn't just that the acting and dialogue were laughably bad, because the same could be convincingly argued about Fantastic Four. It was the fact that the movie took itself so seriously. With the notable exception of J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson, who hammed up his role with a gusto befitting its comic book origin, all the actors (and the director and writers) took what should have been a fun, exciting action movie and turned it into a melodramatic soap opera. And I'm sorry, but the stakes are just not high enough to make me care when the villain makes you laugh instead of cringe. Alfred Molina in a spandex unitard? That's scary alright, but not in the way it should be--not in the way Willem Dafoe's psychotic Green Goblin was, when he tore off the roof of Aunt Mae's house and made her scream the last line of the Lord's Prayer.

Which brings me to the point of this post: a superhero movie is only as good as its best villain. Julian McMahon as FF's Victor Von Doom struck just the right chord of megalomanical instability to keep you tense the entire time about what he might do next. Plus, he had a cool look and even cooler powers: an organic metal alloy slowly replacing his body tissue, allowing him to conduct massive amounts of energy--far more interesting than Doc Ock's A.I. metal arms, if only because Dr. Doom's "power" wasn't controlling him; it was all about his descent into rationalizing the use of his abilities for destruction.

Further proof of this theory:

X-Men:Thumbs Up I wasn't sure Sir Ian McKellan could pull off Magneto, but great acting prevailed again, and the British thesp' made his villain an eerie, yet sympathetic, evil genius. He only got better in X-Men 2. The scenes in the plastic prison are a master class in restrained malevolence, matched only by Sir Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter.

Daredevil:Thumbs Down Colin Farrell as a guy who throws stuff really straight and really hard. Michael Clarke Duncan as a big black guy who lets a little white guy do his fighting for him... not even Jennifer Garner could save this one.
CURSE YOU, BEN AFFLECK!!!!

Elektra:Thumbs Down Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have The Foot Clan to battle; Elektra has a nebulous group of baddies called "The Hand"... full of no-name actors whose powers are... low-grade special effects. The only thing The Hand had to battle was The Finger, from the audience.

Batman:Thumbs Up/Down/Down/Down/Up What's made the difference for this franchise? THE VILLAINS. The original is regarded as the best not because of Michael Keaton, but because of Jack Nicholson. Michelle Pfeiffer was a great Catwoman (do not even mention Halle Berry in my presence), but Danny Devito made The Penguin more grotesque than scary--plus, you can't get any less dangerous than a penguin for a villain. Unless maybe the dreaded Gerbil entered the fray. Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey were jokes as villains, and Uma and Ah-nold just about put me to sleep... God bless the always-magnificant Liam Neeson.

Superman: the best? Part II. Gene Hackman is as good as you can get when it comes to human villains, but the stakes are raised when Supes has to fight 3 of his own kind.

I could of course go on, but I've tested your patience enough I think. Feel free to add more examples to support, or contradict, my theory. but I warn you, I won't give up easily, YOU DASTARDLY FOE!!!